Category Archives: honeymoon

Goodbye, 2013.

It’s sort of difficult to look back and reflect on this year. It seems to have been impossibly long and impossibly full of both good and bad. I’ve heard from many people that 2013 lived up to its reputation of being bad luck and ended up being the worst year in memory. Not many people seemed to have enjoyed this year, and I can’t particularly say that I blame them. Obviously, this year brought us amazing goodness, but it was unbelievably hard, too. Cameron, his father, and both my parents spent time in the hospital. I seem to have lost touch with most of my friends. The flood. Oh, the flood. What happened in September this year put a huge crack in me that has forever altered the way I see the place I live–through no fault of its own–and I don’t think it will ever be fixed. I spent more time this year battling my depression and anxiety than probably ever before. Not to diminish the beauty that is my daughter, but her arrival brought with it almost 5 weeks of daily crying and some of the worst self-doubt I’ve ever had.

But there was beauty and wonderful moments this year, too. I celebrated my 25th birthday and Cameron turned 30. We spent three whole weeks in Hawaii, something I think about almost daily. We traveled to North Carolina to witness the union of two of our most wonderful family members. I started working on a new book with my agent, which was exciting despite how challenging it was. And, even though many of my friends seem to have fallen away from me, I grew closer than ever before to my best friend–my husband–and to my parents. Of course, most beautiful of all, my little girl. I cannot wait to see what this year brings us and I am so excited to watch her begin to learn and grow. I know 2014 will bring new challenges but it will bring new opportunities too, and I’m looking forward to it. I’m eager to see 2013 go into the record books and hopefully 2014 will not be repeating any of its bad habits.

Happy 2014, everybody.

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1 Year

Yesterday was my and Cameron’s first wedding anniversary. In January we will have our 4th anniversary since first dating. We had a low-key day, since going out of town is not very reasonable for us right now, but it was still fun. He made me breakfast, we sat around and had coffee, watched the early football games, went out to the theater to watch the Broncos game (the historic movie theater here hosts the games each week for $10 with a hot dog/nacho buffet, it’s really fun!), and then had dinner at the Dunraven Inn.

I don’t feel like getting super sappy, so here are pictures instead. That’s more fun, right?

(PS Happy anniversary Cameron!)

Hiking at Garden of the Gods in 2010
Fall 2010
Halloween 2010
In Fort Collins, Christmas 2010
Graduating college in 2011
Goofing around at the New Belgium brewery
Engagement photo from 2011
Bought a house!
Florence and the Machine at Red Rocks….right before I nearly fought this crazy chick who tried to steal our seats…

At the Dole Plantation in Hawaii
My weird, wonderful family.

Hawaii Part Two: Pearl Harbor

Our trip to Pearl Harbor was fresh off the stinging playoff loss of my Denver Broncos to the Baltimore Ravens. We had spent the day at a Buffalo Wild Wings in Waikiki amidst a raucous crowd of Denver fans that slowly but surely became more and more inundated with Ravens fans. What a game! It was so exciting even if it ended in tragedy for us. Seriously, I walked out of that bar in tears. I have never cried over football before. Alas. I was happy, in the end, to have lost (in double overtime!) to the team that went on to win the Superbowl, which proved that we weren’t defeated in a fluke win. At least if we couldn’t beat Tom Brady, the Ravens could. (Sorry Pats fans. No Brady love in this blog.)

Early Sunday morning we trucked off to Pearl Harbor. I’m a bit of a history buff and I definitely love exploring historical sites like this, especially ones that are so pertinent to the American psyche. It was a moving experience to sure. We got there in time for the first boat out to the Arizona Memorial, which was nice because the ferry wasn’t jam packed. It was nice and quiet. Unfortunately my camera batteries died before we got off the memorial, and because you are not allowed to bring any bags on site, we didn’t bring the camera bag with more batteries. Still, I think I got just enough.

I’ll let the pictures speak for themselves.

Survivors of the Arizona have the option to have their remains returned to the Arizona after their death to join their former comrades. I thought this was beautiful.

The next post should be our first couple of days on Maui. That part of the trip was definitely our favorite so expect a long lovely write-up on that! However, yesterday I met with my editor for the first time and she has tasked me with doing a monumental word count cut from the manuscript in the next two weeks, and as time is already limited with my stage managing a show, I will need to spend as much time as I can on that. So it might be a few days at the least.

Till then!

Some ramblings…

Sorry, dear readers. This is not a Hawaii post. I want to devote some time to the next update and needed to write about some other things in the meantime. So if you’re here for a Hawaii post, you can probably skip this one, unless you’re interested in reading about my TTC rambles.

Preface One: Fair warning to those of you who are in a difficult place, you might not want to read any farther because it includes a fair amount of TTC bitching. I know sometimes it’s difficult to read so consider this your chance to turn away now.

Preface Two: I know many of you might read this and think I have nothing to bitch about and don’t get me wrong, I know I’m still very fresh to this whole experience and in the grand scheme of things I have nothing to bitch about, but I have to get all of this off my chest. So just keep that in mind.

Coming into this whole trying to get pregnant thing I had no idea how hard it would be to deal with the whole Two Week Wait thing. Boy do I envy people who get pregnant by accident. And I hate them a little, too, in the nicest way that one could be hated. If you’ve ever experienced this you know what I mean. It just seems so much easier than dealing with the counting and the monitoring and the waiting. Ugh, the waiting. And being that we started off on this whole thing actively trying, (rather than just haphazardly hoping it might happen) I don’t know how to go BACK to just letting it happen and being surprised. I don’t know if I can, mentally. Not such a big deal for the hubby, maybe, but probably too hard for me now that I know what needs to happen when.

Before we left for Hawaii, I took a test. BFN. It was within 5 or 6 days of when my period was supposed to come so I figured that was it. But then my period was 6 days late when we got to Hawaii. I tried to reason with myself that it was the stress of the travel and the new environment and the new bed and the new food, even though I have never been that late, ever. Part of me also started to fret that the previous ovulation had been off, or I’d miscounted, or that something was wrong, which sent me into a complete tailspin of worry. So naturally by the 4th and 5th and 6th day with no period I started to really wonder. I bought a test while we were there and it too said negative. I was cautiously optimistic, but, alas, good ol’ Aunt Flo arrived on our first night in Maui. Sigh. I worried that my whole next cycle was going to be all fucked up, but right around the time when I re-counted for ovulation, all signs said go.

I had a really good feeling while we were there. A really good one. I was really hopeful that it might have happened this time. And then, on the very last day of the trip, I woke up with a UTI. This would be a complete bummer in and of itself without all the worries that popped into my head about taking antibiotics and what if that interfered with conception or implantation and all that stuff. I went to an urgent care clinic a couple blocks from our hotel because I know the symptoms and I knew it was only going to get worse and I was not about to spend 8 hours on a plane with a raging UTI. The doctor spoke more Japanese than English so it really wasn’t an option for me to ask if there was any chance that the antibiotics he put me on would affect anything. I frantically texted my nurse friend back home and she told me not to worry, but of course it didn’t help a whole lot. Needless to say that really good feeling I’d had a couple days before was somewhat deflated.

And so here I am, 10 DPO and trying desperately not to overthink everything and not to symptom spot and all that because I know it helps absolutely nothing. I actually deleted my fertility monitor apps on my phone because I realized I was thinking about that all the time and it probably helped nothing. Last night I woke up with some mild period-like cramps, which I typically get about a week before my period arrives, so of course I then sat up for the next 2 hours with a complete feeling of dread. (Although to my own peace of mind, usually about a week before my period is expected I actually get really bad cramps for one night, and these were very mild, so I am holding out hope that it was just something else going on in there.) Then I fell asleep and had a dream that my brother and his girlfriend got pregnant. Before us. My brother is 20 and as good a guy as he is, he has no business being a father right now. He still lives at home and I don’t know if he can boil water. Not to mention he’s only been with this girlfriend for a couple of months and–like I said, as nice as they are–I think getting pregnant would be a challenge, to put it nicely. And of course it would be massively hurtful, even if they hadn’t meant it to be. Goes back to that thing about how much I envy people who get pregnant without actively trying. (Sometimes I wonder how that happens. With the window of being able to become pregnant being so small, how on earth do 2 people manage to get pregnant on accident, while 2 people who know what they are doing and are trying to get pregnant don’t?) I know it was just a dream but obviously it’s one of those things floating right at the top of my head.

I know I shouldn’t be overthinking this. I know I just need to let it be and wait. But it’s hard. I want to be pregnant so badly and now my mom seems to be asking me at any opportunity if we are. It was one of the first things she asked when we came home from Hawaii. I want to be pregnant this cycle because it means an October baby, which I have always, always wanted. We bought a onesie in Hawaii. Something of an inside joke between us and my parents (when they went to Hawaii in 2010, they brought back a shirt for Cameron that had the state fish, the Humuhumunukunukuapua’a, and said he had to be able to pronounce it before he could marry me. We found a green onesie with the fish and the name on it and we thought it was too perfect to pass up, so we bought it) and everyone thought it was funny and I am sincerely hoping that the universe sees it as an invitation and not a challenge/jinx. I do not believe in the notion of “god’s timing” (probably would have to believe in god for that to work), there is only my and my husband’s timing. But I do think the universe has a general way about it. I just hope we are fitting into it.

Hawaii pt. 1: Waikiki, Hanauma Bay, & North Shore

First Sunset on Waikiki
First Sunset on Waikiki

Before I begin, can I just say how much I hate this new WordPress layout? It is so hard to figure everything out! Put it back, please!!!

Okay, now that that’s off my chest….

I’m still at a bit of a loss on how to post about Hawaii. After going through all the pictures and deleting any that were blurry, or doubles, or just plain not good, I still ended up with roughly 6 or 7 GB worth of photos. Great to have, but makes it extremely difficult to decide which ones are good for telling the story of our trip and even more difficult to pick only a select few to have printed to put in the cute photo album we bought while we were there. Too difficult!

Another thing hindering me is the fact that Waikiki was not nearly what we expected at all. Not in a bad way necessarily, but not what we expected, so it wasn’t particularly picture-worthy. The first couple of days were new and exciting, but we quickly realized that the majority of the things to do in Waikiki have to do with shopping (at incredibly expensive luxury stores) or sitting on the crowded beach, neither of which is very exciting to us. We prefer to get out and do things and explore. Our first week, we didn’t have a rental car, so we tried to get out via bus as much as we could, but it took forever to get anywhere. So our best days that first week were probably the days we spent at Hanauma Bay and the day our friend Keely came to pick us up and take us to the North Shore.

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As it happens, we don’t actually have many pictures of Hanauma Bay, because we spent most of the time in the water. Go figure. We had a lot of fun there. Hanauma Bay is a nature preserve that is home to sea life like sea turtles and an assortment of tropical fish as well as a huge reef. The water is shallow and very clear so it’s perfect for snorkeling–too bad I am HORRIBLE at snorkeling! I had never done it before, but the concept is generally pretty simple, you would think. Every time I tried, though, my brain freaked out and couldn’t get over the fact that I was essentially putting my face in seawater with my mouth wide open. Needless to say I ingested quite a lot of water that day. Eventually I gave up on the snorkel and just held my breath, which worked decently well. The other problem I have is that open water scares the shit out of me. Hmm. I never got to be around much water when I was a kid, so even though I’m a decent swimmer, I get nervous when there’s actually a current. I also have a fear of putting my feet down on the sea floor if I can’t see what’s down there. So I’m kind of awkward in the ocean. I did get to see a lot of fish, though no sea turtles. The day we visited, the ocean was pretty choppy so in the end it probably wasn’t all my fault that my first time snorkeling was difficult. In fact, the Bay was closed for several days in a row while we were there because of high surf and choppy water. Just that season of rough seas.

Our other favorite that first week was visiting the North Shore with our friend Keely. If you’re not familiar, the North Shore of O’ahu is one of the best and most famous places in the world for surfing. This time of year is particularly good for surfing because the waves are just bonkers. In fact we passed by quite a lot of surfing competitions while we were driving through.

Keely got stuck in a bit of traffic coming to pick us up, so in the meantime Cameron and I explored the east end of the strip and bumped into the Honolulu Zoo. Outside the zoo is a gigantic banyan tree–crazy as this picture looks, that is all ONE tree. Basically, the tree grows new trunks out of its limbs in order to support itself from the tsunami winds.

Cameron in front of the tree
Cameron in front of the tree
Inside the tree
Inside the tree
Me in front of the tree
Me in front of the tree

We thought the North Shore was amazing. It was so different from Waikiki and it was hard to believe that it was only on the other side of the island, let alone less than an hour away! It was just a completely different world up there. It’s no surprise we spent several days up there when we came back from Maui and rented a car.

Keely was a great tour guide. She had an entire day mapped out for us and it was spectacular. We stopped first at the Dole Plantation.

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The delectable dessert in our hands is a Dole Whip, and it was amazing. Sort of like a pineapple soft serve--but better.
The delectable dessert in our hands is a Dole Whip, and it was amazing. Sort of like a pineapple soft serve–but better.

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Estes Park Represent!
Estes Park Represent!

After the Plantation, we stopped at these food trucks just outside Haleiwa which had the most amazing shrimp plates you’ve ever had in your life. Absolutely incredible. We ended up going back a second time when we came back from Maui and we are already craving them again. So good. For dessert we popped into Haleiwa and had some shave ice (similar to a snow cone) and got to watch some killer waves at the beach.

After lunch we took a tour up the coast and passed by several of the big beaches and surf spots, including Waimea Bay, which was gorgeous.

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After Waimea Bay we continued on through the North Shore and explored some of the coastline, stopping on the way at a Macadamia Nut farm and finally ending in the town of Kailua to have dinner with Keely and her family. While we were there we got to stop in at President Obama’s favorite shave ice place before Keely took us home via the Pali Highway. What fun!

Next up: Pearl Harbor

We’re back!

Wow, talk about time flying. It feels like just yesterday we were embarking on our grand adventure and now here we are back again! 3 weeks flew by. I know I know, time flies when you’re having fun and all that, but seriously! Hawaii is like the Land Without Time…did not seem to be going by at all!

Anyway, we had a marvelous time. By far the most fun was being on Maui–but I really haven’t been able to compress the whole trip. When I get some time over the weekend, I’ll be able to go through all the pictures and start mapping out a way to break it up into segment posts so you don’t have to muddle through a huge photo-laden post. I’m eager to get going on that but the house desperately needs to be cleaned and we finally received our new sink for the master bathroom and I’m dying to install it. Ahh, domesticity calls.

In the meantime, I hope this will suffice…just imagine the waves and drift away….

Aloha for Now

On Wednesday I decided it was a good time to spruce some things up and I did the unthinkable–I cut off my hair. I’m kind of particular about my hair; I’ve always lusted for long hair and it takes an unusually long time for my hair to grow and the idea of cutting it was crazy to me. 2 years ago my brother and I both donated 11+ inches a piece to Locks of Love and I felt like it had barely grown back in all that time, even though it had. But not very much. But then I was thinking about how mostly I just end up putting my hair up, how it’s really damaged on the ends from coloring, how it’s such a pain when it gets all tangled and wet, how I have to empty the shower drain every freakin’ week because my hair was EVERYWHERE. So I thought, what the hell. It’s hair. It’ll grow back eventually and in the meantime might as well do something fresh and fun with it. So I did!

(go Broncos)
(go Broncos)

It’s not really styled or anything at the moment and one side is kind of flat because I was taking a nap before I took this picture, but you get the idea. I think it’s really cute. Better Half likes it too, which I was worried about because he loved my long hair. Plus, it’ll be great for Hawaii. Easy to take care of, no fuss no muss, and no big deal if it gets wet. Cooler too.

Speaking of Hawaii, we are in serious countdown mode right now. Our flight departs early early Tuesday morning. Tomorrow we are finishing up the final packing and getting everything ready for the lovely friend of mine who is going to drop by to check on the kitties while we are gone. Both of us have to work on Monday unfortunately so with any luck everything will be ready to go and we’ll be leaving as soon as I am off work. We are going to my parent’s house on Monday night since they are taking care of the dog and they live 20 minutes from the airport. My dad will drop us off on Tuesday morning and we’ll be on our way!

Of course, wouldn’t be a 3-week trip without some minor crises. On Christmas, we ordered a really nice camera to take to Hawaii with us. We ordered it through the military distribution site so my mom was the point of contact for it (since I don’t actually have shopping privileges on the website) and she said that she saw it had shipped a week ago. Well, it still hadn’t arrived today, and then I realized that my bank account still hadn’t been charged for it. Something was up. So my mom called customer service to figure it out and they said they couldn’t even find the order at all–so for whatever reason, it was cancelled or never processed or whatever, but that pretty much left us up shit creek as far as having the camera goes, especially since we don’t exactly have a Target or a Best Buy on every corner up here. So I jumped on Target.com as I remembered seeing the exact same camera for the exact same price in Greeley on Tuesday with my friend Kyle, and called to see if they could put one aside to be picked up tomorrow on our way down to my parent’s house. Well, even though their website said it was in stock, they didn’t have any. Nobody in the metro area had them in stock. Luckily, Best Buy did. The store near my parents had it in stock and I was able to purchase it and arrange to have it picked up on Monday. Phew. Same price, same camera, so, I’m so grateful that it got worked out. Obviously I’d prefer to just have it, but now at least I’ll be able to play with it and read the manual on the plane.

This will probably be my last post until we get back from Hawaii at the end of the month. I am not bringing my laptop with me so I’ll save all our spectacular pictures and stories for a set of posts after we get back.

Till then! Aloha!