Category Archives: novel

Odds n’ Ends

Because I felt like writing but at the same time wanted to procrastinate working on the book. Funny how that works.

Speaking of the book, I’ll start off with that first. Seems to be progressing at around the correct pace. I don’t always stick to my daily word count, but usually by the end of the week it ends up leveling out. I think I have finally nailed down an “opening” and I’m moving forward pretty consistently instead of backward. I added up the majority of the sections that I have written, since I tend to write out of sequence whenever the inspiration strikes, and found that I am right around 20,000 words written so far which is a little more than I thought I had. Trouble is connecting all these bits and pieces and deciding what to use and what not to use. I’m trying to let the new format work itself in and not force it, because that seemed to be what was killing me before. I keep having to remind myself, in Nike fashion, to just do it. (Plus the countdown on my phone seems to be a motivator, too.)

This week we got quite a few things for Celia. Our neighbor called us last week and said they were having a yard sale and that they had a cradle for sale, so we went over to take a look. I snapped it up as soon as I could. It was used for 3 kids since the late 60s but it’s still in excellent shape. It fits perfectly in the window in the living room, so we now have a place to put Celia down if we’re watching tv or otherwise don’t want to be upstairs.

 

Please don't warn me about the cable and the shade string. I got it.
Please don’t warn me about the cable and the shade string. I got it.

We also snagged a child’s chair and desk, which we thought would be great for once Celia gets a little older, as well as a set of Mr. Potatohead. My mom has a full collection at her house too so Ce is going to be more than set when it comes to Mr. Potatohead.

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Celia’s crib came last week too! My grandma and grandpa ordered it for us, hooray. It’s still sitting in the box upstairs waiting for the room to be painted and I am really eager to get that put together. We bought paint this weekend, a nice sky blue-gray that will pair really nicely with her yellow letters. We also got a new outfit for her courtesy of a coworker of Cameron’s, an adorable little sundress/cardigan number that I foresee using to take her first serious photographs. (I also took advantage of a Carter’s coupon and ordered 2 footie sleepers, a set of onesies, and some flowery headbands.)

And, naturally, here I am at 25 weeks:
Photo on 2013-08-07 at 18.03

I still feel pretty good all things considered, though I have definitely seen an upswing in heartburn/acid reflux in the last week or so. I have a feeling that I will be moving to the guest bed at some point in the near future, too. Our bed is pretty much the most comfortable thing in the world with a 4″ memory foam topper on it (we call it our cloud bed) but right now it’s almost a little too soft, because I end up getting stuck in certain positions and it’s really hard to move. So, might have to give up and move over to the firm bed in the other room. I don’t think I’ve slept through the night in at least a few weeks.

Still able to tie my shoes...but probably not for long.
Still able to tie my shoes…but probably not for long.

Lately my mom has been pressuring us to pick out a middle name for Celia, which is not going well (or as quickly as she’d like I’m sure). She’s being very persistent in sending me lists and lists of names, but only 1 out of 10 do I like. Thing is, Cameron and I took so long to come up with one! Just one! girl’s name that we both liked, coming up with a second is just turning out to be a frustration now, and I don’t want to pick a name just for the sake of picking one. I’m picky–it takes me forever to nail down names for fictional characters, now picking a name for a real person? Forget it. But it’s going to be with her forever (or until she gets married, because she could do like I did and “technically” remove her middle name) and I don’t want to not like it. So maybe she ends up not having one, I don’t know. Seems these days middle names are only useful when the kid is in trouble anyway. I guess it’s just not very high on my list of priorities.

I contacted the person at the hospital responsible for signing us up for childbirth classes, so hopefully soon I should get a schedule on when those are. I also finished up the registry and I know baby shower plans are in the works, so things are really moving fast now. I am so eager for autumn to be here. Football! Pumpkin things! Cool weather! And baby!

Along with fall I am really eager for the tourists to go home and for things to go back to being quiet. This tends to be a really touchy subject with a lot of people I know here in Estes. There seems to be this overbearing school of thought that we are so lucky to live here that we should like the tourists no matter what. I tend to feel a little more cynical than that. There’s the obvious–traffic is congested, no place to park, nobody knows where they’re going, the supermarket is such a madhouse all the time that I will go 45 minutes away to do my shopping, everything is always packed…that sort of stuff. But maybe more than ever this summer I have felt this terrible sense of isolation being up here, and I know a lot of it has to do with the tourists being here. I spend every evening at home because there’s nowhere in town to go that isn’t inundated with tourists. I can’t go sit in the corner table at Starbucks and work on the book because it’s too busy and distracting. It gets to you after a while. I think another facet of it is I just feel lonely, plain and simple. I haven’t seen any of my friends in months and every attempt I make at trying to get some of them to come visit is met like I’m suggesting they go to the moon, so after a while I just quit making the attempt. Add on top of that my two best friends ever just moved to Baltimore so they can start an amazing new life together (and how hard THAT has been to cope with) and the fact that I don’t have any friends my age up here, and it starts to bug you after a while. I worry often that when the baby comes I will feel even more isolated from my friends–not just by distance but by the entire new lifestyle I will have. But at least by the point when Celia arrives, it will be quiet enough in town that I will be able to walk down to the Starbucks with her and be around Cameron and his employees, all of whom I love, and not be stuck inside the house. In the end, I have to remind myself that we are not in Estes for life, and in a few years we’ll be moving back to Fort Collins (voted one of the happiest places to live in the country, I should point out…) and I can hopefully go back to enjoying Estes the way it is meant to be enjoyed–because I feel bad in saying so but I do resent it from time to time.

Anyway! That turned into far more of a vent than I had intended, so here’s something cool. I came across a company called Diamond Candles and ordered one on a whim. I thought, well, it’s not too much more expensive than buying a candle at Yankee, and this has jewelry inside it! So I splurged. My candle arrived on Monday and I promptly set to burning it so I could dig out the treasure.

diamondcandle

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I don’t think the ring is worth anything, but at least it’s really pretty! I’m pretty pleased with the product overall–the candle is way bigger than I thought it would be and it smells fantastic. I hope they put out some fall scents soon because I am definitely not against ordering another. A cool idea overall.

And finally, one more piece of silliness. Last week Cameron and I were playing catch in the backyard and he said to me, “try to hit this saw horse with the football from the other side of the yard.” We have a pretty big yard, but I have pretty good aim, so I gave it a shot–and this happened.

stephfootball

No joke! Literally split the uprights. That thing was jammed in there, too. Neither of us could believe it. First try from about 20 yards away. Probably could never do it again if I tried. But it did make me feel like the most badass pregnant woman ever.

Finally finally, a photo dump of my animals, because they’re cute. And everyone likes a blog with animal pictures.




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6 Months

Say whaaaat?

Apparently so! We are 24 weeks in and only have 16 weeks to go. I am still trying to wrap my head around the notion that pregnancy is 9 months when it is…in fact….10. Can someone explain this one to me? 9 months and 40 weeks do not add up, folks. So the notion that I am 6 months in with 3 to go is, as Dwight Schrute would say, “false.” 

Latest OB appointment was yesterday and apparently everything is going just swimmingly still. Celia even kicked the doctor when he did the doppler to listen to her heartbeat. I still feel impossibly small for 24 weeks and it definitely doesn’t help when I am surrounded by exclamations of “you are so tiny!” which you’d think would feel like a compliment, but at this point it makes me worry that baby is not growing the way she should. I am reassured from my OB that she is, and anyone who makes me feel otherwise can stuff it. (Along with all the other stuff people say to a pregnant woman.)

I also got to talk to my OB about what to expect as far as “procedure” goes when we arrive at the hospital to have this baby. I have been filled with a lot of anxiety about certain things happening in labor, namely that I might be pressured into induction/Pitocin and a c-section. I also didn’t want to be forced to stay in bed the whole time, I wanted to be comfortable and walk or be in the tub or on the ball or eat and drink or whatever I might feel like I will need. As time goes on I feel increasingly sad that we can’t afford a home birth because I really, really wanted one, but I am at least a little comforted that we do have a birthing center here and it is as much of a compromise as I’ll be able to get. Anyway, my OB did make me feel better because when I brought it up he immediately said yes, a lot of women are concerned about these things, but he did say that episiotomies are the exception and not the norm, I will not have to constantly be attached to an IV (though I will have one inserted and ready to go just in case, I just won’t be attached), they only do intermittent fetal monitoring and induction is only an option once I’m at least a week overdue (fetal distress excepting). Once the baby actually arrives, they immediately allow skin-to-skin contact (again, fetal distress excepting), they wait to cut the cord till after it’s done pulsing, and they don’t even worry about measurements and all that good stuff until after I’ve been able to breastfeed. Which, all in all, is basically everything that I wanted some sort of say in. Ideally I’d like the option to birth and not just labor in the pool, but I guess I will take what I can get. And again, I am comforted by the fact that we live literally two blocks from the hospital and we will have the luxury of waiting as long as possible to head over there and not have to get there and sit around for a while because we had to drive in. 

 

Photo on 2013-07-31 at 16.05

My next appointment is the dreaded glucose test. The nurse gave me my bottle of liquid sugar yesterday and…naturally…it had to be orange flavored. Ugh. My worst nightmare. I’m trying to tell myself that I’m not concerned about the results but of course there is a little bit of nervousness there. Still, I know my risk is low and I’ve been doing well at keeping up my exercise and eating right, so hopefully it won’t be a problem.

Celia is continuing to be a crazy mover. I think sometimes she is using my uterus as a lap pool. I can literally see her moving from one side to the other. Her favorite game, it seems, is to play “Aliens.” I always have to be Ripley.

alienbaby

While I am having a great time during this pregnancy, I am already tired of the unsolicited parenting advice. So tired of it. I know every pregnant woman gets to this point–and again, I feel compelled to give the disclaimer that I’m not calling out any individuals, just ranting. I think what really tends to get my goat when it happens is that it’s accompanied by this unspoken insinuation that because I’m not a parent yet, I’m a complete moron. Even when I try to post silly things on Facebook that are obviously “duh” things, people respond seriously like I have no idea what I’m talking about. Sometimes I really just want to say, “no shit.” Even legitimate questions in which I am actually asking for advice are met with responses that seem to reek of “well duh, you should know this.” And that’s frustrating, especially because I don’t really have any friends or close family who have had children in the last, say, twenty years, so I don’t have someone I can go to in confidence about those kinds of questions without being made to feel like a total idiot. It’s weird because I generally have a very thick skin (hello, author) but for some reason being told I don’t know what I’m doing when it comes to raising my kid just turns me into that stereotypical crazy hormonal pregnant woman.

Anyway! Celia’s crib is officially on the way! My grandma and grandpa ordered it for us and I am so excited for it to arrive! That’s about the only big piece of furniture we need for her room so it will be awesome to get going on putting her nursery together. In the last few weeks I got her name letters (and subsequently glittered the everloving crap out of them) and a cute canvas that I found at Hobby Lobby.

IMG_20130718_193223

Pay no attention to the unfortunate tabletop that got stripped when an air freshener tipped over on it...who knew?
Pay no attention to the unfortunate tabletop that got stripped when an air freshener tipped over on it…who knew?

I’m still planning on doing a woodland theme, though I doubt it will be as in-depth as I had originally planned. I wanted to paint a big tree and some animals on the wall, but then I thought about how we are planning to move within 2-3 years and it would be a pain to paint it all over again, so I think I might just paint the room a solid color and then make use of those wall decals. Michaels had some really cute ones!

Anyway, I’m off with my swimming baby to rustle up some grub (hubby works late tonight) and maybe (fingers crossed) get a little writing done. This weekend is the final weekend for Renaissance Festival and I’m hoping it won’t be too hot so I can go down. It’s hard to be pregnant at ren faire…

Photo on 2013-07-31 at 16.08

Putting the Pedal to the Metal

I haven’t written about the book much lately. I guess it’s kind of been playing second fiddle to everything else that’s been going on around here.

I’ll admit it: I was floundering. I felt like I was not coming up with anything good and I was getting royally stuck. I’d gotten probably about 25% finished and pretty much stalled out. Adding to the problem (mostly mental) was that I hadn’t gotten an “official” stamp of approval from my editor to say that she had liked some pages I had sent her a couple months ago, so I was nervous that when we finally did talk, she’d want me to go back and redo it again. This is mostly due to the fact that between the manuscript that my agency picked me up on and the book I am working on now, everything has changed. Everything. Person, tense, characterization, plot. I’m not just writing a new book, I’m writing new characters too, and that change felt kind of foreign to me at first because I’d spent so long writing my main character a certain way and now I’m changing that. (And for the record I’m glad for that, the characters have all evolved out of what I had and what my editor suggested for me and I really think they’re more three-dimensional now.)

Luckily, I was wrong on that front, and when I spoke to her yesterday, she did like the direction I was going in. We finally laid out a plan of action concerning how the rest of the year is going, and she wants me to try to have a first draft done by November before the baby comes. That will leave only editing and revisions after the baby comes, which–though I will really have to push to find the time–is doable. It has to be. But I figure, this is going to be my job, and I’m lucky enough to not have to go back to my day job after the baby comes, which frees me up to work on this even if it’s just an hour a day. It will get done. A first draft completed this year also means potential publication by next year–so that’s exciting. Considering I was signed by this agency last October and then had such a long pause due to Hurricane Sandy, it really feels good to finally have a potential end date on this project floating around. 

The other benefit to having an editor is they seem to magically know exactly where you needed to go when you were totally stuck. Some of the suggestions she gave me yesterday really left me going “oh jeez, why didn’t I think of that in the first place?” She gave me tons to think about as far as characterization and side plots go, which is something I was really struggling with. Formulating a novel is harder than you might think. It isn’t just–this is my plot and these are points A, B, C, and D. There’s so many side points and arcs and other bits of meat that fill in the skeleton. So I’m still working on that but I have a feeling a lot of it will come as I’m finishing up the first draft. That’s how it’s worked in the past anyway, when I was working on my own schedule. 

So now comes the part where I wade through all the ideas, stick to a few, and really put my nose to the grindstone. I’m filled at once with some really exciting ideas and a looming sense of dread and self-doubt about the whole thing (can I really finish this novel in 3 months??)…but that must mean I’m a writer. 

Dealing with the Ebb and Flow of Creativity

If you’re any sort of creative type, you know that the muse to create–write, paint, sing, act, cook even–is not ever-present. Fickle, even. She operates much like weather patterns in the sense that her comings and goings are often tides that take years to come and then go out again.

When I was in college, there was nothing to keep me from writing. I wrote so much when I was in school. At least four novel-length books that are currently waiting on my computer to be revisited, reworked, and hopefully some day find their way into the world. I wrote in between classes, during classes, until 3 in the morning, constantly. The summer I worked on the entertainment crew at the amusement park in Denver I was working 10 hour days (plus working at the renaissance festival, for a total of roughly 60 hours a week) and I would still sneak up to the booth in between shows and write during pre-show. And the simple truth was that I had to. Had to write. I was so full of ideas and the muse was definitely with me during that period of time. I was not beyond canceling plans with friends to stay home and write. And the crazy part about this is that I was so busy during these few years, mostly with school work. My senior year I was completing multiple theses at a time and I still finished the novel that ended up catching me an agent.

After I got out of school that manic drive to write kind of faded a bit. I spent several months after I graduated in preparation for sending my novel to agencies. A lot of editing and re-editing. But I was trying to work on new material too, a sequel that probably now will end up being finished much later on down the road than I originally anticipated, due to the new direction my agents have me going in. But it seemed like the harder I tried, the harder it was to work. I bounced back and forth from project to project but was never able to get a whole lot of work done on any of them. Sure, there was a lot going on in my life–I moved 3 times in 14 months, got married, changed jobs 3 times, and now am having a baby–and while I was always busy before, it was a different kind of busy. It wasn’t working 40 hours a week and trying to keep up with a household and find time to spend with my husband. (And actually, throughout 4/5 of my college career, when I got so much writing done, I was single. It does tend to make a difference.) Now, though I am working on a new track and I can sort of see the light at the end of the tunnel (well…make that, I can see the tunnel) with this new project, it’s still hard to make myself sit down and work. By the time I get home from work (especially these days) I am exhausted and don’t have the brain space left to try to work on the book. I try to write at work when it is slow but often it’s difficult to get in a flow when I am being interrupted by customers. I know it’s only going to get worse once the baby comes so I am trying my best these days to really buckle down and get stuff done. I know it’s possible to do all of these things and still have a writing career. It must be or else nobody would ever write books. The trouble is finding the balance between work, life, and writing.

The reason I was inspired to write this post is because I was listening to some music at work earlier and several songs came up that used to be my go-to inspiration songs. I would make playlist after playlist that described scenes and characters and situations in my books, and just listening to them would put me in the right direction. It also got me nostalgic about the years I had in college when my biggest responsibility was a couple pages of homework. I could stay up as late as I wanted and write all night and still sleep in until my afternoon classes. I miss being in school. The routine suited me and my creativity far better than this whole working-to-pay-bills thing. Plus, let’s not forget the benefits of being in school on stimulating my brain. Because I was in school, thinking, reading, it made my brain work harder. Luckily, I am not going back to work after the baby comes–so though it will be hard, I will make this work. The life of the stay at home mom writing on the side has been a coveted one for several years and I’m very happy that I’ll finally be able to do that, even if it requires some figuring out.

Even When You Think You Know (Part II)

You definitely, definitely don’t know.

Sometimes that’s a good thing. A really good thing. Such as….

test

Which you might have guessed since the last time I posted about TTC was at the beginning of the last two week wait, and then I didn’t post anything. In fact, one friend told me she knew I was pregnant because I hadn’t posted anything after that.

Before I got a positive, I really, really didn’t think I was pregnant. I was absolutely sure, in fact, that my period was about to come. I tested on DPO10 (I think) and it was negative, which I thought for sure meant it was negative this round. And then the period never came several days later. I came home on my lunch hour that week and thought “well, period is two days late…let’s just take one for shits and giggles.” So I took it, and while I stood in the kitchen eating a roast beef sandwich, the second line appeared. Holy shit! I immediately texted a picture of the test to a friend of mine who is a nurse and works for Planned Parenthood and she told me to take another later that day but that it did in fact look positive. My second that day had two lines as well. Holy Shit.

I have been dying to post about this. Dying to tell all my friends. My family knew right away, and several close friends. I had to tell someone or I was going to explode. And though it is still early, the way I look at it, the more people who know, the more possibility there is for positive thinking and good thoughts. I am a big believer in the power of good intention. Not that I am worried that anything will go wrong (well, that’s a lie, of course I am in the dark at three in the morning)–but there is nothing wrong with filling my head with positivity especially on days (or nights) when I am lacking it. So, even though I am only at 7 1/2 weeks right now, I’m saying this. We don’t get an ultrasound until 18 weeks, unless I crack and go to Planned Parenthood for one earlier than that. Nevertheless, my OB was very positive at my last visit that everything was going to go just fine. So I thought, why the heck not. I posted this on my Facebook:

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Because I’m a giant nerd and I thought it was just hilarious. But maybe that’s just me.

As for the details you probably really want, the baby is due right around Thanksgiving. I am feeling perfectly fine all things considered. Just a few moments of nausea on a couple mornings before work. Some heartburn and fatigue and I am retaining water like it’s going out of style. I can smell everything in about a 2 mile radius, which is sometimes not so good. But otherwise I really have no complaints knowing how much worse it could be and could still get. (Oh, and my boobs look fabulous if I may say so, so there’s that too.) I actually feel so good I have to remind myself that I am pregnant most days. It gets easier every day.

So naturally, this means that this blog will become a weekly “bump update” blog, but I promise to write about other things too. I wasn’t lying last time I posted when I said I was finally moving in the right direction with the new novel, and I’m still chugging along at full steam (while I have the time!) to get as many pages behind me as I can.

Happy Happy Joy Joy!

Crickets

Well haven’t I been quiet lately…

I do finally have a good direction to go in with the new book. It’s been numerous false starts and rewrites with my editor but I think (“think” being the key word here) that I finally have a good idea of where I am going. We changed the tense and the person (is that the term for it? Basically I went from first person to third person.) It’s much different than I was anticipating but I like it, which is the most important part, so I’m hoping to get a few more pages behind me this weekend.

Look what the Better Half did last weekend! He raised money for the St. Baldrick’s Foundation with several other Starbucks baristas and managers in the area and together they raised over $5,000. Of course in the meantime he looks like a convict, but it’s for a great cause I don’t complain. That much.

Spring is still hinting here in Estes Park. We’ve had some mild days but nothing terribly warm so far. We had our first really good snowfall of the year (er, winter…since last winter) last weekend and it was great. Thick, heavy, wet snow like we have needed all year. Still it will be nice to have some warmer weather soon, I’m very excited to start opening the windows and letting fresh air in. Maybe start going after a garden. It’s so hard to gauge what the weather is going to be like up here in the mountain climes!

Anyway, we don’t celebrate Easter (except for celebrating the sales next week!) but if you do I hope you have a pleasant weekend. I know I am still remiss on posting about Hawaii….I will do that soon, I promise….

Fighting a Losing Battle

Or so it feels.

This new novel has been giving me such a fight. As a writer, I rely on seeing the story in my head and putting the words on paper. But it’s been almost impossible for me lately to see this new story I’m supposed to be writing. It’s just not there. And I don’t know why, or where it is, or how long it will take me to see it. Needless to say, it’s been frustrating. It’s been hard to find direction or figure out how I should tackle the beginning…I haven’t even been able to jump around from place to place as the pieces come together. None of it is there. I know it will come eventually, and normally this wouldn’t be an issue, but for some reason I feel bad for not getting anything done. I haven’t been put to any specific deadlines yet, but as in the past, I feel like I will frustrate my editor if I am not moving as fast as I should be. 

Writing is hard.