Category Archives: wildfire

The Holding Pattern

It appears to be snowing on my WordPress dashboard. Well, at least it is snowing somewhere in Colorado even if it is a virtual snow.

On the fire front, some good news. According to the Estes Park News, the fire line was held exceptionally well last night even though we had wind gusts of up to 70mph. No new evacuation notices were posted. Of yet only one structure, a private cabin, has been destroyed and it was within the Park. The temperatures are a little cooler today and hopefully the winds will die down a little so that they can get some air support in there. Right now what we really need is the universe to cooperate and send us some moisture and lower temperatures. Everyone I know is coming up with “snow dance” remedies. A friend posted this morning something about a Pilgrim tradition of putting a spoon under one’s pillow. I’m a huge believer in the power of intention so hey, if it helps I will try it.

Let’s see, what else. I am still, unfortunately, waiting to hear from my agents. It is absolute torture as I believe I’ve mentioned before. The worst is not having any idea of a timeline for as far as when they might get back online. I am hesitant to contact them again because I don’t want to risk trying their patience if I am constantly contacting them asking how it’s going. I don’t want to be that annoying new client. I know, no matter what they say, that I and just about every other author they work with have to be very low on their list of priorities right now. And rightfully so. If I ran a business that was flooded and damaged during the storm I wouldn’t want to talk to any of my clients. So I get it. But being on the other end of that equation sucks. I would love to use this time to my advantage to get some writing done, perhaps work on the sequel or my other project, but as I was discussing with a professor last week, the agents and publishing company might want to go a completely different direction with the storyline and everything I have already written will be for nothing. So it’s a Catch-22. So, whether it’s psychological or not, I’ve worked myself into a terrible writing funk and basically haven’t done anything in a while. It is, needless to say, incredibly frustrating.

I am struggling right now to not think of my life as being in a holding pattern, waiting for my turn to get in the air and fly. Just about everything feels like a waiting game right now. Waiting to start working on the book, waiting to get pregnant, waiting for our trip to Hawaii, waiting for…something. I know it’s a lousy problem to have–there are much worse things that could be going on right now–but it’s an increasingly frustrating mindset. It’s hard to not have any goals that you are not actively working toward, you know? I have always been motivated by goals. I work hard on something because I know in the end it is going to feel good and if I know what that concrete goal is, it’s easier to get there. (I think this is part of the reason why I can never stick very easily to a fitness routine, because I am not able to “see” those goals.) My job is basically a filler for us right now to get money in the bank so that when I have a baby I will be able to quit working and just be a stay at home mom. I look forward to this every. single. day. But in the meantime, it’s just a clock-in-clock-out type situation. No particular career goals, no knowing “if I get this sales goal I’ll be promoted”, nothing like that. And that’s frustrating. It would be easier to cope with it if I had something going on in my home life that was making up for that lack of progress, (i.e. coming home and working on the book) but right now it’s just not happening. So in the meantime I just have to hope every single day that I’m going to open up my email and see that the editors are ready to go back to work. Like I said–I believe in the power of intention. I am so full of intention that I’ll probably explode if it doesn’t end up somewhere tangible soon.

Anyway, enough of that rant. Here’s a picture of my cat.

Disgruntled that my new Mac is cooler than he is
Disgruntled that my new Mac is cooler than he is

Till then.