Single digit weeks left. You’re kidding me, right?
Actually, I’m stuck somewhere between sometimes feeling “holy shit only 8 weeks left aaaaah!” and sometimes feeling “oh my god, 8 more weeks? Hurry up already!”
I have actually fallen pretty far behind in getting ready, thanks to all the other things that have been going on around here. I still have a small section of wall to paint in the nursery, plus another tree to put up, and we have to obtain the border. At this point I am REALLY grateful we decided to only paint one wall. I also have to finish the letters and get them hung over the crib. Thinking that since Cameron works late tonight, it would really behoove me to use that time to my advantage and get that crap done. Finishing the decorating will also give us a chance to step back and find out what else we need to complete the room as far as organizing goes. We’re already pretty limited on space to put “things” so I was thinking I’d get baskets to put on the wall for books and toys, but what do I do with other things like…the stroller? The bath tub? I seriously need some interior designer to come help me ORGANIZE the space. The other issue is finding a time to actually go and get those things we need, since a 3-hour drive to Denver is not exactly convenient when we need one thing. So since we will be down this weekend for my baby shower, it would probably be pretty smart to stock up on as many things as will fit in our car since I do not want to make another trip down anytime soon. Like, till Christmas.
We were supposed to start our childbirth classes last night, a 3-hour class every week for 5 weeks that would have taken us through childbirth, breastfeeding, and that whole “what do we do with a newborn when we actually have one” part of parenting. Unfortunately, the teacher lives in Berthoud, which is “normally” under an hour away, now 3+ hours away. The teacher really wanted us to get at least the basics of the course, though, so she is planning to come up in October and has arranged for us to do a marathon weekend course. We probably won’t be able to get anything other than the childbirth part of it all, which is something of a bummer, but I suppose better than nothing. It’s not till the middle of October though.
It’s kind of amazing how the flood has caused us to throw just about every plan we had out the window and come up with something else. This is still kind of hard for me to deal with because as I’ve mentioned before, I like to have plans. I like to feel like I have control, and the aftermath of the flooding means losing a lot of control. On Wednesday I read an article on NPR about our hospital and the challenges they are facing with winter coming and 1 of our 2 roads shutting down for the winter at any time. (“They” are saying that Highway 36 will be open by December 1, but I don’t think that’ll really happen and in any case it doesn’t matter much for us as far as the baby goes, assuming she comes when she is supposed to.) We don’t have a NICU at our hospital, which I already knew, but in the past if there were any serious problems, a different hospital with the right equipment was only an hour away by ambulance. Now, the closest hospital is 3-4 hours away by ambulance and the flight for life helicopter is only reliable in good weather, which is up in the air (no pun intended) a lot in the winter. Needless to say, this freaked me out a little. (Okay, a lot. It freaked me out a lot. I spent pretty much all of that night in the fetal position bawling my eyes out because it felt like everything possible was going wrong.) We had our 32-week appointment yesterday, which gave us an opportunity to get straight answers from our OB as far as what kinds of emergencies this hospital can handle and what happens if the “what ifs” happen, that sort of thing. It’s not an ideal situation by any means, but there are options and emergencies will be taken care of. Our doctor explained that the responsibility was pretty much on him to determine ahead of time if we needed to be moved out to a different hospital for pre-term labor or any other complications. He said normally what would be a “wait and see” attitude will now be a “better safe than sorry” attitude. Again, not ideal, but it’s there.
I really hate that the last weeks of this pregnancy are surrounded by so much worry on my part. I know I shouldn’t worry because I can’t control any of it, but that doesn’t mean I’m not or won’t. Now when I wake up in the middle of the night with random twinges and pains I immediately panic that I’m going to go into pre-term labor and we’ll have to be transported to a different hospital and deal with different doctors who don’t know my preferences and everything will be taken out of my hands. I know that’s a really silly way to look at things, but it all goes back to that desire I have internally to be in control and know at least sort of what to expect. The end of pregnancy is always a game of wait and see in which you have no idea what to expect, and that has been hard enough to deal with. Now I have a whole other list of things to deal with, and that sucks. At this point I just want to have it be over, have her be here and know that we’re all going to be safe and sound. It’s a lot of things I can’t control right now–and I absolutely hate that. My OB did remind me yesterday, “It’s my job to worry.” I’m working on that–it’s not exactly going as well as I’d hoped.
By the by, our sump pump is STILL pumping groundwater out of our basement. And it’s raining today. Some days…it’s hard not to feel completely defeated.
Anyway, to end this post on a slightly more positive/amusing note, I’ll share with you a conversation I had with someone the renaissance festival last weekend. He was a vendor selling hair pieces or something like that, and as I walked by his booth, I heard him say…
“My lady, you should not be out in the sun!”
I thought, okay, he’s being nice to the pregnant lady, fine, I’m game. I said, “I’m trying to stick to the shade and stay hydrated.”
He said: “Only one more month left?
Little personal, but whatever. “Two, actually.”
He put on that face…you know the one, the one that says “Oh, shit. I just called her fat.” To his credit, he apologized. I said it was fine. And then, JUST when he was about to dig himself out, he said…
“Two, really? Wow, you’re going to be huge!”
Way to go, man. Way. To. Go. If I’d been on the ball a little more I would have asked him how the bottom of his foot tasted, but I was so taken aback the only thing I could do was blink and walk away.