“That point” is defined as the moment in which Steph is tired, grumpy, and fed up with being pregnant…which I’m pretty sure is a point which all pregnant women hit, whether they admit it out loud or not. So what follows is not much more than blog!vent, feel free to skip right over this one. Really, go for it.
Last night was definitely my first feeling of “This is not fun anymore.”
Right around dinner hour last night, Caroline seemed to move into a very stretched out, vertical position and put either her head or her feet right into my stomach. And it hurt, a lot. Not so much that I was concerned, because I could tell exactly where the pain was and I could also feel her sitting there, so I knew it was just discomfort from that. I couldn’t even eat dinner because my stomach just felt so cramped. No particular way that I moved seemed to help much, so I tried to get her to move even just a little, but she was having none of it, so for about an hour I just laid back on the recliner because it was about the only way I could get comfortable.
Cameron was working late, so after the baby FINALLY moved and I was able to get some relief, I went up to bed to watch the ending of the Sunday night football game and ended up falling asleep sprawled across the bed for probably about an hour before he came home. He came into say hi and I woke up, which was fine, but after that I was pretty much wide awake until he came to bed at 11:30. And my heartburn was starting to rev up. It’s been sort of on and off so far, nothing too terrible, but the last 2 nights have been really exhaustive and very painful. I chewed a few Tums, had a sip of milk, and sat up in bed watching HGTV until Cameron came in. He naturally fell asleep in about 30 seconds from lying down, but this being the incoming fall allergy season, he’s snoring a lot more than normal until he gets into really deep sleep and then it stops. And he’s really tired from working so many extra hours lately, so on top of the snoring, it’s also harder to wake him up to get him to stop snoring. Finally I gave up, grabbed my collection of pillows, and traipsed over to the guest bed and tried to sleep there, but the bed is so much firmer than ours and just not easy to get comfortable on right now, since my range of options of sleeping positions is getting smaller and smaller. I finally gave up there too, and by this time my throat was pretty much on fire from the heartburn. I went back to our bed and propped myself up on a couple pillows, had a few more Tums, and listened to my husband snore…while I proceeded to get so frustrated and upset that I basically laid there crying till about 1:30 in the morning.
The frustration wasn’t just from the heartburn, though it was SUPER painful, but also that I couldn’t seem to win no matter which way I tried. If I laid down flat, my chest felt like it was going to explode. If I sat up, I had to pee because the baby was sitting right on my bladder. And then my back would start to ache. And I was super jealous that Cameron was actually sleeping, which was also annoying at this point because he would quiet down until I was literally -this- far away from falling asleep, and then he’d turn over and start to snore again. Ugh. (That, and the uber-hormonal part of me was upset that he wasn’t waking up even though I was crying, but, I shouldn’t have been very upset about that one since there’s no need for us to both be miserable.) If I turned onto my side a little, the baby started having the hiccups. I really just couldn’t win. This all went on till probably 2:30 or so when I think I was finally able to fall asleep, at least for a couple hours. If I move out of my position in my sleep, I wake up with either a fetus on top of my bladder or aching hips, so I am waking up every hour or two to reposition. And I know this is all normal, the third trimester is the worst for sleep, that sort of thing, but I am so tired. My alarm goes off at 7, so needless to say I didn’t actually accrue many sleeping hours last night.
So, definitely getting to that point when I am not really enjoying this process very much anymore. I know you’re not supposed to say these things, but I hate it when she has the hiccups. I hate it when she flips around and wiggles all night long. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad that she’s healthy and that she is doing those things, but it’s not “amazing” anymore. It’s just annoying. I just want to lie down for 30 minutes and not feel like a human fishbowl. I want to sleep through the night just once more before she comes. I want to be able to turn over in bed and have it not take 5 freaking minutes because I am so huge.
Bluntly put, I am ready for this baby to be on the outside of my body. And it feels a little disheartening that I still have 10 weeks of this to go.
I know, I know, I shouldn’t be so despairing or negative. I am grateful for this, believe me. I’m not looking for a pity party or to sound like I’m looking for advice (this morning I made a joking comment on Facebook about my heartburn and the baby’s hair and it turned into so many people telling me what to try for the heartburn that I ended up taking it down because I really, really don’t give a shit about advice which is, again, the grumpy pregnant lady in me talking.), I’m just blowing off steam in about the only way I know how, which is through this. Since I don’t have too many real friends to talk to and I have already bitched Cameron’s ear off enough…the blog it is.
Stress is just annoyingly high right now. Cameron is putting in a lot of extra hours right now because it’s that season when it’s still fairly busy but he’s lost a lot of employees who went back to school, that sort of thing, plus there’s a bunch of new policy programs and scheduling stuff being rolled out that he is kind of being the guinea pig for, so he’s been at work a lot more, and while I know it’s only temporary, his stress feeds into my stress and I miss him, frankly, and it’s been a rough couple of weeks. His dad had a minor heart attack on Wednesday, and while that in and of itself was not entirely serious, the double bypass he was supposed to have on Friday turned into a quintuple bypass and there were serious complications when he had an allergic reaction to the blood coagulation medicine he was given, so he’s been in a medically induced coma since then. He is expected to be fine and taken off sedation tomorrow, but it’s been scary especially being so far away. So, Cameron and his brothers are waiting right now to see when/if they want to go out and see him, which for the moment is a bit “hurry up and wait” to see how everything goes and how much longer he stays in the hospital, that sort of thing.
I know that it’s just a few weeks more before everything really slows down and it will all be fine. I spoke today with my employers about the fact that I’m 98% sure I’m not coming back after the baby comes, so they at least know that they need to get someone in to let me train before I leave in early November. Cameron is able to take off 5 weeks when Caroline comes which is really, really helpful and I am so grateful for that…but in the meantime it still feels very, very far away.
All this negative being said, some positive…I did pass my 3-hour diabetes test, so no more worry about that. And today at work one of the managers who is out from Nebraska brought me ice cream, so either he was just being really nice or I look way more rough than I want to…